A Boulevardier’s personal grooming

Wk 7 Stats
1) Didn’t weigh myself this week as heading to Portugal for a few days, and want to save the depression for my return!
2) 3.4 – Too high and probably due to 2 days alcohol consumption. Dose reduced for 2 days to compensate.

A Boulevardier’s personal grooming
Whilst not wanting to cause any unnecessary blushing, I felt the need to share one of the challenges of a displaced Boulevardier, which is also common to many wise, ahem, older gents (although from a call today with a lovely lady she confirmed that women do not escape altogether). How should one groom all follicles which appear…?
Many men seem to lose manes from atop their heads, and sprout hair from other less attractive places. I am fortunate in that I still have a full head of my own hair, despite its greying appearance (refer back to earlier chapters for a hair history)! BUT over the last few years I have noticed, odd nose, ear, and the worst of all back hairs! The back is not a blanket or rug, but a few on the shoulders (which I can just about live with or tug out as I inch my fingers across) and growth in the side panels below the rib cage on either side. I have tried and tried to ignore but every time I catch a glimpse in the mirror I realise they have to go!
The nose and ear are easily taken care of with a pain free Remington Steele trimmer, but not the back.
A few years ago I noticed a few, and decided to have a good home waxing and invited two female friends to assist. I wondered why they smiled with such malevolent glee, as I thought it was a horrid thing to do, and I stumbled over my words whilst asking! Until in the act, they took a side each, patted strips across my back and yanked them off at the same time! The pain was sudden, severe and acute. As I tried to jump up, they found this inner strength and pushed me down and repeated the procedure for what felt like 6 hours! They were at least kind in dousing me in aloe once finished. This would not be repeated.
A year or so later, I was at a spa in Palm Springs for a wonderful few days, and between the wraps and massages I decided to have a wax. It was less painful (slightly) than the painful sadists who call themselves grinning friends, but only just and again the aloe was the only relief, and needed to be reapplied every few hours.
One of the sadists, on a later occasion suggested I try veet, having of course mentioned the pain she put me through on a number of occasions. She kindly veeted me, which was significantly less painful and the hair seemed to melt away, although as I contorted in the shower trying to remove the excess cream from my back I strained my back.
A year later, having ignored growth, and seen removal of such as a painful and dangerous experience, and I was ready to grit my teeth, breathe deeply and be brave, in the pursuit of beauty.
Should a Boulevardier wax you might ask? Well a Boulevardier should always be clean shaven, unless of course, he is working a designer stubble or sculpted facial hair look. But a good Boulevardier wants to ensure that whilst the top might not be coming off, that he feels clean and well shaven beneath in the areas he would like to be… I am not fan of the infamous ‘back, sack and crack’, having received the pain of the back, can only imagine the intensified endurance of the other more sensitive areas. I would need a tub of valium, gas, air and a good bottle of sherry to consider such.
I had a brief try myself, but in fear of injury, I could not veet myself. Veeting the back is absolutely a two man or women job. Not that I am suggesting two women would need to veet each others backs, but always prefer to be inclusive rather than exclusive.
Who to ask? Presumably couples can ask each other, as long as one is not too smooth, and thereby having an unfair advantage.
Should I throw a veeting party?
In the end as a good old friend was visiting at the weekend and before heading into Crouch End for supper at the famous Banners, a Caribbean/burger joint, I asked (casually) if he minded veeting me post supper. He is a good sport, and also never afraid of the dirty tasks. He agreed.
So after a wonderful supper of grilled tiger prawns with wasabi mayonnaise, followed by ackee and saltfish washed down with a good merlot, we got down to business so to speak.
I stripped to the waist, and he used the supplied spatula to apply the cream to the predefined areas. The cream was cold as I gasped each time it hit my back.
‘Is it cold’ he asked.
‘Yes!’ I replied.
‘Good’ he said.
What is it with people and wanting to cause pain when I am lying exposed!
We had two applications and now I am ready for the beach in Portugal. Although by looking at the weather forecast I expect sou’westers are more the order of the day.
In any case, your Boulevardier is feeling slightly less displaced, and off for a few lovely sherries to celebrate!



3 thoughts on “A Boulevardier’s personal grooming

  1. To each their own. I’ve dated guys with no body hair, some, or as much as me. It’s funny how times change, my mother once told me that when she was young, back hair was considered a sign of masculinity.

    I’ve told guys who are intersted in me that I identify as a ‘bear’, meaning I’m furry, and that’s not gonna change. I’m comfortable with me, and they need to be as well, or they won’t be with me. I won’t be going through the drama of waxing.

    I get rid of the nose & ear hair, and clean up my brows, and trim my facial hair. The rest is, as is.

  2. You really know how to show your friends a good time. ‘Veet me, baby!!’

    I’ve no back hair as yet but will be sure to take your advice on board if and when it sprouts.

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